I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
