just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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