I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
