Can i not drive my cunt home
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
