I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
