I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
love makes seman taste better
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
