i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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