apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
