fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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