Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
