ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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