eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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