you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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