im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
