My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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