Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
