Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
