I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
