I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
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dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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