One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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