I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
