Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
