I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
