Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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