I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
