Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
