Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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