I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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