When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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