it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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