Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my being single is dangerous.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
