We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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