NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
