I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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