Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
