i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
