Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
