i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
