well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
