i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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