That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
