I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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