I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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