Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
