your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
