Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i've created a new STD.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
