i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
