Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
