his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
