I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
