i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
