Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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