i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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