This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
