Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
