I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she peed on how many people?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
