Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
