Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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