marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
