john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
