I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Let's get the cat blown out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
