The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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