OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
even my farts smell like vagina
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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