I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
