wat bout pragnant strippers??
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
