not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
