my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
