he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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