You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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