guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
