I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
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Kings cup with teenagers tonight
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand