I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.