6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.