How drunk are you??
are you so shy because you have an std?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
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nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.