I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.