You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?