It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival