I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
