Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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