the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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