Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
