i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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