Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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