Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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