I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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